Weight is something you carry with you, it enters a room with you, and there is no hiding it. It is a pain some live with, that everyone around them can see, and for which many people will judge them for. However virtually everyone has something they want to hide. In most cases the only difference between the person carrying the weight, and everyone else is, everyone else can mask their pain, their vice, their struggle. The difference between those with the weight and those judging is usually found in how obvious their struggle is.
I remember one occasion were there was 12 people brought together, many of whom did not know each other. As the night progressed everyone projected the image of success, they all drove nice cars, had nice things and implied in the conversation they were doing well. I had seen the finances of many in the group and was aware of the stress, the frustration and shame they felt around their finances. This was an enormous weight in many of there lives. I was struck in that moment of the impact of being authentic. What if instead of pretending to have money, a draining act no doubt, they were honest? What if instead of continuing to feed the money image they were all trying to keep up, they opened up and expressed what they were really going through? Would they all turn on each other, or would this group of people realize they were all struggling under the weight of the same issue? Could they support each other, instead of pushing the money based image? Could they really connect, and have a real and meaning full conversation?
In contrast a few months ago I attended a local meeting, open to anyone, where most of us knew each other, but not all. This was a small business group and in sharing about our businesses one person started to open up about a very personal and stressful time they were currently going through. His eyes watered as he spoke and shared his very personal story. There was the expected immediate support and then the attention of the group continued to the next person. I was amazed by what happened next, as others shared, instead of sharing simply about there businesses they also opened up. A few more people came to tears as they shared. What seemed to happen when the first person courageously opened up, he gave permission to everyone else do the same. It was amazing and inspiring to watch. As a result the group has become closer, with much stronger relationships.
It takes great courage to make yourself vulnerable and share at this level. I also believe it is an amazing gift to others, as through someone’s vulnerability we can relate, connect and most importantly move closer to sharing ourselves. People that lead in this way can inspire us all and should be celebrated.
Chris Nelmes
Conversations About Money
Nelmes Financial
www.nelmes.ca
Thanks for your insightful words Chris. Perhaps when people read this then look in the mirror, they will get a sense of what it’s like to wear your struggle for all to see.
Pingback: Guest blog post | Nelmes Financial | Conversations about Money
Wow! Chris this is a great post. I agree, it takes great courage to open up to people, especially your peers at times when perception is completely different from the person you are. I always love the personal stories of triumph over hardship when shared by others and find them extremely inspiring to me personally.
Again, thank you for posting this story.
Dai
I have had the opportunity to talk to Chris and Art and I know they are both very knowledgeable in their field and that is all I have seen from both (I haven’t talked to either one for long though, that was my initial impression), but now I know that behind all that knowledge there is people that can expressed and understand what people really goes through. It takes courage to make yourself vulnerable, you got that right Chris.
Great post.
I have always struggled with confidence. I have always felt like you really don’t have a genuine confidence unless you demonstrate the ability to do something. You can talk about it, but you have to demonstrate it.
Negative thoughts, circumstances, etc can make the way somehow difficult but that does not mean you can’t do it and I use to think so. So now being a mom and have started a new venture I have a different perspective. I can do all because I think I can or at least I should try. (that does not mean I have to know it all)
Karina,
You are so right! You don’t need to know it all. Life is a journey – just like my blog. I am fat, yet I represent a health & wellness company. It is BECAUSE I want to get well that I made it my business. I am putting it out there to really practice what I preach. I admire your new venture. Thank you for your genuine words.
Art
Thanks, Glad you enjoyed this post. And thanks Art for sharing on your Blog, Love what you are doing here!!
Pingback: Guest post on to fatandback.com | Conversations About Money
Thanks so much for re-posting this Chris… I am just now pulling myself back out of the cobwebs of self-doubt and the feelings of failure. For those of us that struggle with weight, it takes its toll on us when we fall backwards. It’s out there for everyone to see – you cannot hide from it or cover it up. It’s self evident, it’s apparent, it’s frustrating! Failure is only a fact when you give up. Everyone gets knocked down, the question is: Will you get back up? Today I get back up and dust myself off and push myself back into the world. See you soon Chris!