When’s the Last Time You Were Embarrassed in Public?
So why not just say fat?
It happens all the time to me at restaurants. The waiter comes over to take the table order and when it’s my turn, most of the time, because remember his name is “Chad” and he’s a happy, smiley, ingratiating fellow, he says something like “Hey Big Guy, what can I get ya?”
It plays out often in business networking events, at hotel check-ins, on the street… you name it.
Hey asshole, why not just tell me what’s on your mind: “Hey fattest person at the table, what are you going to stuff in your face?”
Sound a little harsh?
Think about it though. I mean, really think about it. Actually, I know Chad isn’t intentionally being callous – he thinks he’s hip and he’s just trying to identify to boost his tip. He really does want me to have a great meal and enjoy myself. BUT, did he say to my pretty friend across the table: “May I suggest the soup and sandwich Lady-With-Remarkably-Large-Breasts”? Or how about my friend with the glasses “What’ll it be Four-Eyes?”
Does a Valet Parking Attendant ever say, “Wow, nice Corvette, Guy-with-Small-Penis”? Likely not. But how different is that to “Hey Big Guy”! Why is this acceptable?
Have I got your attention? Are you feeling a little uncomfortable now? Are you thinking to yourself, “Have I ever done that to someone?” Didn’t your Mom always tell you “If you can’t say something nice… ” you know the rest.
OK I’ll let you off the hook a little. I’m not here to rant about being personally picked on. Guess what? I know I’m fat. Am I ok with it? No. Do I want to change my behaviours? Yes. But you can sugar coat it with pretty words that the media uses so as not to alert the average North American that they are getting more obese by the second. You know the words: husky, plus-size, ample, big-boned, chubby, cuddly, curvy, full-figured, stocky, etc. etc. They’re even slowly making the sizes larger now so we won’t feel so bad. A Large now, is what an X-Large used to be. All to make us feel better – am I right? Hey… HELLO… guess what? The word is fat! Maybe if we use the word, more people will be motivated to do something permanent about it.
This is a tough enough journey without those well-intentioned euphemisms. What I’m saying is that some people may not be ok with being “called-out” in public. You can think whatever you like, nobody cares, but please watch what you say, just like you would if a person of colour, or someone with a visible handicap crossed your path.
I have a name, just like you. If you know it, please use it. And it’s even ok by me to have fun with it. I’ve been called Artie Pants, Artful Dodger, Artie Farty… heard ‘em all. And I’m ok with them all. I know that they’re said with love. But “Big Guy” really is just a substitute word for fat. And for some fat people, maybe opens up a can of worms that might just land you in a place you don’t want to go.
So for all my fellow “Big Guys”… there I just told them. I hope that helps.
Hey Art,
im a 4 eye guy and back in 1976 a ladywithlargebreasts picked up my glasses and asked “hey, who is blind?” I dont have thick lens, i barely need them to drive, she was a dear friend, but i have rememebered it all these yrs.
i do know how it feels.
thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
It’s amazing how these things stick with you and you carry it around forever. Ya I’ had heard people say that about glasses wearers. I’m just glad I didn’t have to deal with it as a child – my life would have likely taken a much rockier road.
Well said, Art! I wondered what the comment was about this morning!
Thanks Dale. You’re such a breath of fresh air at our meetings. Love your energy!
Hmm. Tough one. I can tell you FOR SURE the guy is being cheeky or something like that. He’s picking the obvious factor differentiating you. In the military, we always have the “token” black or the “token” Chinese person in the platoon. And they get called all sorts of stuff, let me tell you, of the most unPC kind. But everyone knows what their differentiating factor is and, believe you me, Chad did not mean it that way. In fact, and this is the beauty of reverse psychology, note that it is often the very people who refrain from any sort of comment at all who might be more judgmental at times (again : not all, not always, just some people, some times) — and if he had the gutts to call out a friendly “Big guy”, he’s probably looking for a way to, as you very well put it, “identify” in the view of a “good tip”.
In conclusion, I love you, Art, and I’m totally on the same page in some regards but please forgive this one …
(or at least .. you know .. judge by the general manner of the person, if they’re affable with all, then most likely trying to get chummy with you, not play the guilt-tripping quack etc …)
Much love, sincerely,
Andreea
I see your point Andreea, but people need to understand that the things they say do have consequences, no matter how well intentioned. The most glaring example of this in North America was how the African Americans were treated in the deep South for decades. Man’s inhumanity to man seems to show no bounds. I illustrate a very small example, but I write about it to point out to people that the things they say are heard. Saying hey big guy to me is like saying hey four eyes to you. Does that make better sense?